Return Of The Big-Fat-Fucking-Favor

(I'll tellya straight up, folks - this is gonna be a LONG post. Please grab a chair and a cold drink because you'll be here a while.)

Happy Friday, people! I can't believe that it's almost the 4th of July already. It's odd...it seems like more and more, I find myself saying "I can't believe it's already XYZ" and feeling like time is just flying by me. Is this a sign of age? Am I getting old? I feel old. So, so old. Just last night, I re-connected with yet another dear old friend from high school, who has three (!!!) daughters, the oldest of which is 13! THIRTEEN! How is it humanly possible that we are old enough to have THIRTEEN YEAR OLD CHILDREN?! Where did the years go? I swear, it feels just like yesterday that I was staying late for drama rehearsals with Dave and Sean (who, I hope, read this entry) and tooling around in my yellow Chevette (remember that, Dave?) and hanging out at "Rocky" on the weekends (someone pass me the toilet paper, please!!!)

OK...on to a more serious topic. I need your help with something. One of my not-so-fond memories of yesteryear has come back to bite me square in the ass, and now the ball is in my court regarding what to do next. For many years in grade school and throughout all of high school, I was very close to a girl one year younger than me. We went to the same elementary school, and although we went to separate high schools, we were together all the time and were always on the phone when we weren't physically together. She never missed a play that I was in. She came to visit me when I had surgery, and I remember her washing my hair for me after I got home. My surgery was ovarian and I couldn't bend and I had a hard time moving. She was always a part of whatever and wherever I was throughout high school. And then college happened...

...I'll skip the gory details and cut straight to the chase. I didn't have a lot of luck with the fellas in high school, and so my first college boyfriend, well, he was just everything to me. He had his share (and then some) of problems, and the relationship was unhealthy, at best. The emotional abuse I suffered at his hands was terrible, and I fed all of that to my friend...my trusty companion upon whom I depended and who knew all of my secrets. The boyfriend and I were having yet another shaky period, and I found out via mutual friends that he and my friend were spending a lot of time together...a LOT of time together...as in overnights and very physical time (i.e., always seeming to hug or touch somehow). I was blessed to have such amazing friends who wanted me to know the truth...who wanted me to be shielded from the pain of deception, but who also wanted me to know the truth. I confronted them both around the Thanksgiving time period, and they both looked me in the eye and denied any wrongdoing. Flash forward one month to Christmas Eve and envision she and I alone in a rusty spoon restaurant. And me crying and in sheer amazement as she confides in me that she and he are "in love" and that they are now starting a life together. That was Christmas Eve, 1991.

In the years that followed, she made numerous attempts to contact me. She'd EMAIL me directly. She'd send letters to my parents. You name it. And then she fell off the face of the planet. I've blogged about her before (she's on my "100 Things About Jen" post), but I never really sought her out to put to rest all of the sadness and heartbreak. Well, she sought me out last night, and in my ongoing quest to become a sane adult, I actually responded to her EMAIL. Here's the basic premise of the EMAIL traffic so far:

HER: Hi...it's been a while...so sorry that I hurt you...I hope you will respond to me but I understand if you don't...I pray for you and think of you often...I have lots to say to you...etc. etc.

ME: Yep, it's been a spell...I am just fine and happy...thanks for the well wishes...say whatever it is that you feel needs to be said...etc. etc.

HER: I am so sorry...but you hurt me too...I didn't sleep with him while you two were together...we are married and have two kids...are you happy and healthy....hope so...I can understand if you don't apologize, but I wanted you to know that you hurt me, too...etc. ad nauseum.

And herein lies my dilemma. I don't really feel I owe her an apology. OK, I will admit that I was a complete bitch to and about her after all of this broke. I referred to her in some very unsavory terms (you can figure those out for yourselves, I'm certain). Did I tell people that she slept with my boyfriend? You betcha. Did I probably embellish a little more than necessary when re-canting this story to friends and passers-by? Probably. But I did truly feel that she betrayed me. The guy, well, he was no big hoo-ra. And, in truth, she did me a big, fat, fucking favor by removing me from his path. I can't even imagine how horrible my life with him would be today. But still...the fact remains that someone I shared my heart and life with...someone who saw me at my most vulnerable on NUMEROUS occasions...someone who had complete and total access to me would do what she did. If you've seen the horrible movie "Closer," you may remember a scene between the amazing Natalie Portman and Jude Law. He tells her that he loves someone else, and she says something to the effect of, "There is always a point. Yes, you can't control who you fall in love with. But there is always a point...a point where you see yourself heading in a certain direction and you choose whether or not the path continues." And I felt then and truly feel today that that is true. In hindsight, she did me a favor. I have an amazing life...one I sometimes still wonder if I truly deserve, but for which I am grateful with every beat of my heart. Forgiveness for me is a difficult concept to embrace. As a 34-year-old Catholic, you'd think I'd have this one down pat. Not even close. Is it possible to forgive...to wish no ill will and to want no harm to come to the other individual...but to also view the person as nonexistent? I can't ever be her friend again. How could I ever trust her to be an intimate part of my life again? But is it truly possible to part with the hurt and the anger and to just view someone as blank? As clear? As transparent? As invisible? Or is that true forgiveness?

(Oh yeah, and I'm not sorry I said what I said to and about her...not sure how to deal with that one, either.)

Prayer Request

Hello dear friends. The other day, I asked that you keep my friend Donna and her family in your prayers. Her father was gravely ill. I got word today that he passed away late last night. If you would, please continue to keep Donna and her family in your prayers. She is a dear, dear friend to me, and your prayers would mean the absolute world to me. Thank you.

Disappointed And Disgusted

Now aren't those fun adjectives to describe your favorite Jen De Menthe? Woo hoo, we're talkin' full fledged barrels-o'-laughter here, folks.

I found out today that I didn't get the other job that I applied for. The one I interviewed for earlier this month. I am disappointed, to say the very least, but nowhere near as unhappy as I was last week when I learned that I didn't get the other job that I'd applied for. In today's case, the selecting official was responsive and kind and basically said without saying that she wanted me and that I would have been a fantastic fit for their agency, but that the "Budget Gods" (the exact words that she used) weren't kind and that their funding for their two vacant positions was pulled. I feel so good about this experience for numerous reasons. One, they liked me and I fit in...and I finally felt for the first time since all of this BRAC hoo-ha started that I might actually be OK someplace else. They were kind and friendly and welcoming and they really seemed to enjoy having me. I felt comfortable and like I could actually find a new "home" there. Later, two people sent me EMAILs that had come to them about me from the folks who had interviewed me...and the consistent message in both was that I was well-liked and that I'd interviewed very well and that I was wanted. So that makes me feel worlds better than I did last week. And also, there's the sheer fact that this agency extended both my boss and I the professional (and HUMAN!) courtesy of an answer without our having to (continually!!!) seek one out. Although I am very disappointed that I didn't get this position, I feel confident in both myself (I did it! They liked me!) and in them (that if, perhaps, the Budget Gods do smile upon them, that a job might be right there waiting for me). I guess it just wasn't meant to be right now. Looks like my place is, at least for now anyway, writing crediting plans, adjudicating Veterans' Preference, and rating and ranking applicants in our tiny DEU. And, truthfully, that's not such a bad place to be.

So I'm driving down my residential street tonight and I noticed two strange figures trifling through the trash on my neighbor's curb. Now, this is a family neighborhood. Upper-middle-class. Lots of little ones, mostly complete nuclear families, and almost everyone Christian or Catholic. So for two shady, unkempt hoodlums to be rummaging through garbage is, well, a bit odd and out-of-sorts for our little 'hood. And so I stopped dead in the middle of the street and watched them (smart, yes, I know)...and they stopped and watched me looking at them. ("Hey Abbott, who's on first?") And I sat right there in the middle of the street staring at them and dialed my neighbors on my cell phone. No answer. So I called the Police. Before the kind, patient officer got here, the hoodlums made off with FOUR bags of trash. My neighbor finally connected with me, and explained that the bags consisted mainly of toys her son had outgrown. Just to be on the safe side, she's calling the bank and her utilities and the credit card companies tonight. Smart move. Yuck. How disgusting. What kind of low-life does this? Takes all kinds to make a world...

That's all from my end of the planet. Actually, that's a lie. Please keep my friend Donna's father in your prayers. He's been ill for a while now and has taken a turn for the worst in the past 48 hours. Please also join me in wishing my friend (and former Secret Pal) Shelby a happy birthday!

Jen, The Crocheting-Almost Jobless-Sorority Nerd

Hell-llo. :) Just posting a quick lil' blurb to say hello and to catch everyone up on "The Life And Times Of Jen." Hope that you're all doing well. Hard to believe that we're coming up on the start of July already. It still feels like Christmas was just yesterday.

It's been an interesting week. Mostly good, I'm happy to say. As you know, our agency is closing because of the Base Realignment and Closure (we call it "BRAC"), and it has really thrown all of us into a tizzy. I have said to you many times that the stress of losing your job and the familiarity of your surroundings has been exceptionally difficult on all of us. Although the sadness and shock diminish as time goes forward, the worry about what's-to-come is still ever-present. I had what I consider a set-back this week in my ongoing quest to become a professional adult capable of surviving outside my current agency. Back in March, I interviewed with another Federal agency who will remain nameless, but I will say that these are the very senior folks who are looked to by the others in my field to set the example for how to conduct professional business...does that help you figure out who they are? Anyway, I did very well, or so I thought. I also wrote for them an excellent essay (or, um, so I thought). Yes, they put me in front of a computer and made me type out an essay after they interviewed me. I did what they told me to do (which was to send an EMAIL one week afterward to follow-up), and after what's now been three months of occasional follow-ups (me to them) and little to no response from them, I finally learned that I was not hired. So much about that entire situation upset me. I was an excellent candidate, and I really wanted to work there. And that ugly, vicious voice at the back of my mind still occasionally hisses at me that I won't beat the BRAC...that I'll be there until the end and until they close the door after forcefully kicking my rumpus through it. This agency had previously made it abundantly clear, both to my boss and to me, that they wanted to move out immediately on non-competitive hires (i.e., reassignments from other agencies, etc.), and yet they waited and kept me deliberately ignorant and hopeful only to lower a boom on me. A boom, might I mention, that I had to ask for....I'd still be "deliberately ignorant and hopeful" had I not sent yet another follow-up EMAIL this week. That's the part, I think, that makes me the angriest. In truth, I really want the job I interviewed for earlier this month. It's in the same building and is also a Federal job, but it's with a totally different agency. So, truthfully, perhaps the first agency's done me a favor by not hiring me. But it's absolutely awful to be kept "deliberately ignorant and hopeful" and to receive absolutely no feedback regarding a potential position...period. Especially when they knew I wanted the job there so badly...and that I am losing my job because of the BRAC.

Not two seconds after I read the "thanks-but-no-thanks" EMAIL from that agency, I took the "phone call of death" in my office. This week, our clerical assistant has been on vacation, so the four specialists are all taking turns answering the phone. Well, whoo-the-hell-hoo, am I glad I took this call. I'll spare you the gory details, but I'll say that more than once, she'd been talked to and helped by my colleagues. Apparently, she was displeased with their assistance, and chose me as her scapegoat. After thirty minutes of her continual interruptions (as I'd try to explain things to her) and her never-ending cruel remarks about my colleagues, I raised my voice to her and said, "NameDeleted, this conversation is over," and I hung up the phone. I was furious. And she called back, believe it or not....TWICE! And she got hung up on AGAIN. Later, we laughed about it as an office and it really helped to diffuse the situation, but good grief, I was mad. Perhaps had her timing been somewhat different, I wouldn't have been so pissed off by the way she behaved. But boy, was I mad. And when I get angry like that, it just exhausts me. It took me all the energy I had just to stay awake and make it through the day.

This weekend, I'm doing a ton of "sorority adviser" stuff. Housemom interviews yesterday and meetings today. I'm keeping busy and becoming more active in this new role. It's exciting. I'm telling you, most of the people I knew from high school would probably be absolutely astonished if they knew that I joined a sorority. I just really wasn't the "type." I'm extroverted, sure, but not rail-skinny and supermodel-gorgeous like the stereotypical sorority girl. It's been a wonderful experience and I am so, so glad I did it. And I'm excited to have this new opportunity to work with collegians and help them and support them in their endeavors. Jen, the sorority nerd.

Two other reasons I've not been online as much lately involve a new blanket I'm crocheting and a new series of books I've discovered. Most of my office is addicted to the Janet Evanovich series about Stephanie Plum, a young female bounty hunter who seemingly has interesting experience after interesting experience. The girls at work have gotten me hooked on these books! Hooked, I tell you! And on the topic of "hook"-ed, I'm working furiously on another Beth's Little Star Afghan in the hopes of having it ready for an early July baby shower for a sorority sister. I'll post photos as soon as it's done.

Off to get ready for my sorority meeting. Have a great day, folks.

BusyBusyBusy!

Hi everyone. Yes, I am still alive! Just swamped these past few days. Sorry that I've been so out of the InfoLoop(tm). Hope that you're all doing well and having a fantastic week!

(Oh yeah, Taylor's new CD single will debut tomorrow at NUMBER ONE over at the Billboard Hot 100. Is that not the BEST news?! Still so happy and so in love with the guy. Yowza. Just yowza.)

Sinus-y And Sleep-y

Hi guys. Greetings from the land of "Seasonal Sinus Suffering." Yes indeedy, your favorite mint maiden has the makings of what promises to bet yet another fun-and-exciting sinus infection. AND IT'S ONLY JUNE. The damned season's just started! Grrr. This morning, I felt like my head was an empty bathtub just-a-fillin' with torrential waters and preparin' for an overflow. Yuck. I took the day off and relaxed at home (somehow catching up on daytime TV snuggled up to my sweet little Boston Terrier allllways is the medicine that helps me). The good news is that my day of relaxation, coupled with my intense consumption of over-the-counter drugs, has rendered me feeling somewhat more human. The bad news is that by being out of commission today, I was not able to be among the first in the greater Kansas City area to buy my beautiful Taylor's first post-Idol CD. I've got a busy night after work tomorrow (I am helping next year's alumnae chapter President get her affairs in order and train her new Executive Board), but our meeting place is close to a local big-name bookstore, so I plan to pop by there on the way home and snag a copy. I am so thrilled for Taylor. Wow. Still "proud" of him and still mega-super-crazy about him. WHERE WAS HE WHEN I WAS SINGLE?

I've got some more card uploads to share with you! Please remember to click on the photos. The images here are all clickable, and you'll get better detail and clarity when you blow these up and make 'em bigger...



Yes, I know it's not easy to make out the full detail on this one. Sorry - the damned digital camera and I weren't on the best of terms when I shot this one. This is the card I made for last weekend's wedding of my hubby's cousin and his new lovely wife. Stampin' Up products used include cardstock (Almost Amethyst, Elegant Eggplant, and Pretty In Pink), ink (Pixie Pink), Stampin' Dimensionals, and the white organdy ribbon. The hearts were cut out using a die from my Sizzix machine, and the "Congratulations" stamp (which is hard to make out in this shot) isn't from SU. Also, the ridged medium-purple cardstock (on which the word "Congratulations" is stamped) isn't from SU, either. It's one of those ridge-y papers that looks awesome but doesn't handle ink well at ALL. :( I guess they are more for textured effects than anything else.

A work friend recently lost her mother, and here are shots of the card I made for her:





SU products used: cardstock (Almost Amethyst, Sahara Sand, and the now retired Mint Melody), inks (Eggplant Envy and Mint Melody, both of which are now retired), stamp sets ("Little Layers Plus" outside and "Paris In The Spring" inside), eyelets (Pretty In Pink), Stampin' Dimensionals, buttons (Pale Plum, inside), and white organdy ribbon. The cream-colored cardstock and the mini glue dots aren't from SU.

And finally, here are the Father's Day cards Erin and I made for my father. (We're posting these now since we had to get them off in the mail in order for him to receive them in Indy by Sunday. Photos of our cards for Curt's father and for Curt will come later):



Creamy Caramel cardstock from Stampin' Up is the base for both cards. On mine, I also used SU cardstock in Bliss Blue, Brilliant Blue, and Sahara Sand. Other SU products used on my card include two now-retired stamp sets ("God Bless America" and "Monkey Business"), The Tearing Edge, the crimper, and Stampin' Dimensionals, The markers, star eyelets, and glue dots aren't from SU. Erin borrowed Mommy's SU "Little Layers Plus" set, along with her SU "Pixie Pink" and (now retired" "Elegant Eggplant" inks for her card. The colored pencils she used aren't from SU.

OK, I am off for a hot, sexy date with my Nyquil and my pillows. Goodnight, folks.

Still Proud, Still Busy, Still Minty...

Hi guys. Howya be?

It's been a busy last several days for your favorite minty momma. This past weekend, Curt's cousin got married in Nebraska, and we made the trek out and back to celebrate the day. His family is really wonderful, and it's nice to be a part of that. I had always hoped and prayed when I was a single gal that I'd one day fit in with the family of whatever-guy-crazy-enough-to-marry-me, and I am so blessed to have done that with these people. His family is from a very small town, and with each visit we make out there, I'm finding that I really enjoy the small-town diversion from the big city. (And yes, I realize, before anyone points out the glaringly obvious, that Gardner is a small town. However, I work in a major metropolitan city and am constantly in it and the other surrounding major cities for shopping, dining, and life proper.) OK...where was I....? Oh yeah, Curt's family. Just good people all around. And the wedding was gorgeous and the reception was fun and it was nice to see everyone again. Many blessings to Jeremy and Katie for years together of love and joy and happiness!

(I haven't uploaded the photo I took of their card yet...will do that and post it ASAP.)

I had a job interview today! I still haven't heard from ThatOtherPlace (you know...the one where I interviewed in March), even though they were so chomping at the bit (or so they said) to make immediate hires. Well, I've really been slacking off on the job hunt, truthfully. I guess I was just hoping that this other agency would call me and happy working in my DEU, so I figured (I guess) that I'd just wait it out. Then, from seemingly nowhere, an amazing opportunity fell right into my lap. Someone from another local Feddy agency asked my boss if she knew of anyone at the GS-12 level in the HR field who was a skilled generalist, knew all of the HR areas (staffing, classification, training, employee relations, and labor relations), and willing to take an immediate transfer. This was, oh, last Thursday. All day Friday, the buzz around my office was about this new opportunity. Come to find out, one of the women who interviewed me today is a sorority sister of another woman I used to work with...and she gave her a glowing review. All in all, the interview went VERY well, and I was so pleased and happy with it all. The ladies who spoke with me were very nice, and I think I answered all of their questions well. So keep your fingers crossed for me, dear friends. Here's hoping that I can beat the BRAC before it beats me.

Taylor's new CD comes out tomorrow! Our friends over at K-JO 105.5 played "Do I Make You Proud?" on the drive home tonight. What a beautiful version of the song! Can't wait to get my grubby little mitts on a copy of this tomorrow. I'm still proud, still in love with Taylor, and still "Soul Patrol-ling." Where was he when I was single...?

Still no news on the final decision regarding me becoming the chapter adviser at our local collegiate chapter. Apparently there are still a few checks-and-balances that need to be checked-and-balanced. So we'll see. I am going up to the house this weekend to help interview potential house mothers, so that's good. They wouldn't have asked me to come if they didn't think I'd make the final cut. I'm still not sure that I can do this, but I am learning that every time I step outside my comfort zone, I come away the better and the stronger for it. I hope that that will be the case again this time.

My House Of Cards

Hi everyone. Not gonna stay long, but I wanted to post up a few new photos for your visual stimulation and enjoyment (ooh la la!)

Here are some of my newest card creations! (Remember, you can click on the photo and get a larger view!)

A sorority sister of mine, Lucy, graduated from Baker University on May 21st (see how long it's been since I've posted?!) and here is the front of the card I made for her:



Stampin' Up products used include the following: cardstock (Pixie Pink and the now-retired Mint Melody), inks (Handsome Hunter and Pink Passion), stamp set (the soon-to-retire "Little Layers Plus"), eyelets (in Mellow Moss and Pretty In Pink), Stampin' Dimensionals, and the crimper. The cream-colored cardstock, glue dots, and the beautiful stick-on rose letters aren't from SU.

And here's the inside:



The "Congratulations" stamp, black ink, glue dots, and silver brad aren't from SU.

Yesterday, I posted a photo of the three wonderful gifts my new Secret Pal sent to me via our friends over at amazon.com. Her name and address were on the packing slip, so unfortunately, the secret is revealed. That's OK! I couldn't resist the urge to make a card for her to thank her for her kindness. I hope she likes it, and that she knows how much I love her gifts! Here's the card:



SU products used include cardstock (Almost Amethyst, Elegant Eggplant, Regal Rose, and Sahara Sand), stamp set ("Alphabet Soup"), pink gingham ribbon, buttons (Pale Plum), Stampin' Dimensionals, and The Tearing Edge. The glue dots and markers aren't from SU. I used my Sizzix die-cutter to shape the hearts.

On the topic of "thank-yous," my boss' husband did a major favor for my family today, and here's the card I made to thank him. I sure hope he knows how much we appreciate him!



SU products used include cardstock (Bravo Burgundy and Sahara Sand), stamp set ("Alphabet Soup"...can't tell that I love that set, can ya?), ink (Bravo Burgundy), and buttons (Ballet Blue, Handsome Hunter, and Night Of Navy). The glue dots and silver brad aren't from SU.

And here's a card I made for the SP that I'm spoiling. I've been awful about getting gifts out to her! Grrr! I need to s-l-o-w d-o-w-n!



I used the following SU products: cardstock (Creamy Caramel and Sahara Sand), stamp set ("Farm Fresh," which is now retired), The Tearing Edge, Stampin' Dimensionals, and the Versamark pad. The markers are from a local craft store.

I'm also nearly finished with a card for Curt's cousin Jeremy and his bride-to-be, who will take their vows this weekend in Nebraska. I'll try to get that posted before we leave for the big ceremony on Friday.

OK, I am off for a late dinner. Have a great one, folks!

THANK YOU, My New SP!!

Hi everyone. Just have time to pop by real quick-like, but I wanted to check in and say hi ("Hi!") and to post a photo of three amazing gifts I just received from my new Secret Pal!



Thanks, SP!!!! You rock!