It's Much Harder Than I Thought It'd Be...

OK, so it’s not a secret that it’s been a while since I’ve posted. A long, long, long while. I’ve also been somewhat rotten in the "return-my-EMAIL-please-Jen" department. The last few weeks have been very topsy-turvy and busy and active and exhausting and wonderful…all rolled up in one. I apologize for being gone. Believe it or not, I’ve really missed you guys. And I’ve missed typing out and sharing my experiences with all of you. Have you ever noticed that by manually plunking out your thoughts and feelings (and sharing them with the world proper here on the Internet), that your perspective sometimes changes? That which seems monumental later feels not-so-much-so. And some things hurt much more deeply than you realized? Interesting, isn’t it?

Those of you who are faithful readers know that I was asked last spring to consider taking on the role of chapter adviser at a local collegiate chapter of my sorority. I’d just come off four years of leadership in the local alumnae chapter (one year as secretary and three as president), and in all honesty, I was truthfully looking forward to merely coming to meetings, paying dues, helping raise money for our philanthropies, and enjoying the company and friendship my sisters had to offer (versus trying to do all of this AND lead the chapter simultaneously). I figured I’d make cookies for events, serve as a pen-pal to one of the local collegians, and just, well, be a sister. When the call came in (well, actually, it was an EMAIL, but I digress…) to serve as the local collegiate chapter’s adviser, I was torn. I wanted to do it so badly. SO badly. And I was above honored to even be considered. But did I have what it took to do the job (and the girls) justice? What kind of time commitment were we talking about here? What about my family? I had truly wanted to relax somewhat sorority-wise and focus more on my husband and daughter (and killer Boston Terrier) and also on the hunt for my next job (you know, since the BRAC has come and obliterated my professional existence). But I’ve always wanted to be actively involved in my organization. When I was a collegian, I so admired the alumnae who served on advisory councils or who were chapter advisers or Area or National officers. I wanted that for myself, too. And this opportunity to serve my organization and help lead its younger members was one step closer to becoming one of those alumnae myself, and so I said yes. If you had told me then what I know now, I think I would have been somewhat astonished. Simply put, I had no idea how much energy and time it would cost me…and how much I would love it. I just had no idea.

There has been an ongoing issue with our chapter that I can’t discuss, but it’s safe to say that it has usurped much of my energy and time since agreeing to do this. That’s fine…it’s part of the job…but I had no idea what I was getting myself in to. The situation is emotional, and it’s been hard on my girls. Seeing them struggle was a hurt for which I was not prepared. It’s getting better, and I am thrilled to be in there knee-deep and involved and actively in touch with and working with the girls. They’ve needed that kind of connection and assistance for so long now, and I am glad to be the one who is there for them.

Last week was formal recruitment (in my day, we called it “rush”). The week prior was their work week (you know the drill…move back in before school starts, clean and clean and clean some more, rehearse recruitment skits, etc. etc.) I spent every evening there during recruitment, came to visit several times during work week, and stayed some nights past 12:30 in the morning. Was I glad to do it? Absolutely. Would I do it again? Without question. But in all honesty, it was more grueling and energy-consuming than I imagined it would be. I got little sleep, I ate very poorly, and I was drained. Add to that the ongoing issues with the chapter and I was just exhausted. Next year, I will do things much differently…take the time off work, better prepare myself (having food and comfy clothes on hand), get more rest, etc. etc.

I am so, so proud of these women. Even in the short time that I’ve been working with them, they are teaching me so much. Sometimes it’s funny how things work out. I came in to this experience thinking that I wasn’t the right girl for it…and thrust out into a house of 20-something 20-somethings who needed my insight and help. I had no idea that they’d be the ones to teach me. We didn’t do as well at recruitment as I’d hoped. (Let me rephrase that. We did BEAUTIFULLY, and the girls were absolutely fantastic. We didn’t get the number of new pledges that I’d hoped.) Hearing the lower number just HURT. I mean, it PHYSICALLY hurt. I felt as if I’d been kicked in the stomach. After everything that had happened and all of their hard work, I felt that they deserved to take the maximum number of available pledges. When that didn’t come to pass, my heart simply broke. That was a pain I couldn't have expected or anticipated...and which, I fear, I did not hide very well! Not one hour later, however, the tide turned. When the girls learned how many new members they were receiving (and their names), they were absolutely thrilled. THRILLED. When I left at 12:30 the next morning, their laughter and V-E-R-Y loud music could be heard outside the house. They were dancing and laughing and getting to know their new sisters and pigging out and basically just having fun being young. The lesson I learned? That being a sorority adviser is like being a parent in a sense. You want the world for them….you want everything good and wonderful and “the best” for them…but you have to learn as well to relax your hopes and expectations when you see their joy in what they have. And believe me, it was joy. I couldn’t hold back the tears for long…tears that began in sadness and heartbreak turned in to tears of pride for my girls and joy in their new sisters. I am sure many more lessons await me in my dealings with these (now 30-something in count) young women.

In the midst of all the emotional sorority stuff, I’ve also been dealing with work hassles. We’re drowning…just drowning. More work than we have bodies (and time). I am catching up…SLOWLY…but I’ve still got a ways to go still. Oh yeah, and my car is dead, too. Don’t even get me started on that. I guess all the trips to the sorority house (in the 800 degree heat) didn’t agree with it. It’s a brand new damned car (as in a 2005 make!) It’s astonishing that something so expensive can be so poorly made. Let’s not start down this road.

I had much more that I wanted to share with all of you, but I can see that this post is already a zillion words long and I can only imagine what you must be thinking (“You can SHUT IT anytime, Jen!”) If you’ve read this far, may warm oatmeal scotchies fall from the sky directly to your waiting plate. And also, if you're one of my friends still awaiting an EMAIL reply (or who just received a long-awaited reply), please accept my apologies and forgive me.

(Oh, before I go...MANY THANKS to my amazing Secret Pal 8, Christine. Thank you for all the wonderful gifts. It was great getting spoiled by you!!! My last gift arrived today. I will get a photo of it tonight and get it uploaded!)

Be well and healthy and happy, dear friends.