A Weekend To Myself

Hi Everyone!

Well, it's the weekend of Grandpa Smith's wedding, and Maggy and I are here in Kansas missing Erin and Curtis something fierce (and wishing that we were in Nebraska with the rest of the family unit). I wish there'd been better communication and timing about this wedding. We simply were misinformed about the date, and I'd made plans to meet with all my new incoming and old outgoing officers tomorrow...a critically important meeting that I couldn't change, and so, alas, I am here and they are there. First and foremost, my thoughts are of Grandpa and his lovely bride-to-be. I am so thrilled for you both. May God bless you with many years of love and joy and health and peace. Love is such an amazing gift. To have found it again at this time in your life - wow. Just enjoy every single second of it. God bless you both!

With half my clan out of town, I am lonely, lonely, lonely. Thank goodness for my precious Maggy. She's lonely, too. She's generally a very snuggly doggy, but she's been even moreso here in the last 24 hours. She's like Erin in that she's really only happy when all four of us are together. Me too, actually. When you workworkwork and have the busy schedule I have, you relish "alone times." I really had no idea, though, how much I'd miss those two. Or how alone the house would seem without them. It's weird - I've been away from them before (for temporary duty out of town, for sorority conferences in other cities, etc.), and while I did miss them then, I didn't feel like I feel now. Perhaps it's different because I am in our home versus a hotel in another city. It makes sense to be away from your family in a hotel...but not in your own home. To complicate matters, Curtis fell and hurt his foot earlier this week, and I know he's in a lot of pain. The drive was painful, I'm certain. I just miss them lots and lots. But I will make good use of my day...going to head off to the post office and run some errands and go shopping at Sunrise Soap and Yarn Shop And More, so that's good! I may even treat myself to a movie and dinner later! Woo hoo! :)

This wasn't entirely a pleasant week. I am drowning at the office during week number two of the boss' absence (making me the head honcho). One more week to go. The supervisory stuff's not bad at all (actually, I'm only supervising one person, and she's fantastic...we spend more time socializing and being one another's support than working), but it's the rest of the work that's killing me (and yes, if I'd spend less time socializing, I'd be more ahead - I know!) I hate classification. In my eyes, it's simply the worst part of Federal Human Resources. And I am surrounded by position descriptions and classification standards and I HATE IT. My boss is trying to convince me to look at this differently. "Look at it as creative writing, Jen. You love to write and you do it so well." Hmmmm. I'm trying, but it's not working! I'm calling a meeting Monday morning with some of my Indianapolis colleagues and management officials to iron out some classification questions we have, and that should make the process go somewhat smoother. But I doubt that it will make me hate doing this any less. (*sigh*)

I got two bits of bad news this week. Well, "bad news" is probably a misnomer, at least somewhat. I didn't get the GS-12 position that I'd interviewed for. And that's OK. All along, we've ("we've" meaning me, my family, my boss, my friends, etc. etc.) all said the same thing...if it's meant to be, it will be. And if not, it's God's way of saying that there's something else...something better...waiting for me. I guess it's a good thing in many respects. I've blogged at length about my loyalty to my agency and my unwillingness to leave it. I am really not ready to go. So this is buying me additional time. I think I am going to keep looking, but not "just apply" because it's a Federal HR position. I want something that will "reach out and grab me." I deserve that. I've worked so, so hard to get to where I am. I deserve to have a position that challenges and pleasures me. And I will find that job. I just have to remain positive. I'm fortunate to be blessed by love all around me, and those folks are helping me to remain strong, too. Speaking of those folks, they were great this week. My second "bad thing" could have been much, much worse...and I think it was as bad as it was because I let it be. As you know, our daycare provider was on vacation this week, so Curtis and I tag-teamed days off so that we could be with Erin. Well, he took her to lunch at McDonalds so that she could play in their large playpark, and apparently a little bully made some snide comments about wanting to "beat her up" (meaning Erin). Curtis handled the situation, and the little bastard never laid a hand on my precious child. But the whole thing just struck such a sad, sad note inside me. And I cried most of Wednesday night and in to Thursday. (That's why, incidentally, I didn't do a "WIP Wednesday" blog post. Sorry everyone!) So on the drive in to the office Thursday morning, I kept thinking over and over "I can't believe that someone would want to hurt my baby," which was silly (I mean, she was FINE...and the little kid probably is abused and harmed routinely. Kids don't just act violently or use threatening language...they have to be TAUGHT that.), but the sadness took on a second overtone of hurting when I saw on the Olathe KC Scout that an active Amber Alert was in effect in our area. I just cried and cried and cried. (And yes, I am sure you're all thinking, "God, she needs medication!" I just had a rough week and I love children...and the thought of anyone harming them just weakens me like I can't even explain to you.) Anyways...I was a mess at the office Thursday morning. I'd had lunch plans with my girls C(1) and D(2), who are both mothers of adult children, and they were so, so fantastic. They really shed some light on what it means to balance the normal, usual "mom worries" against a strong, solid approach to motherhood. I love these girls for lots of reasons, but they were really fantastic and made me feel worlds better. So thanks, girls. You're the greatest. Erin is fine and she's being taught (actually, for as long as I can remember) not to let anyone harm her or touch her or convince her to give up any part of herself that she doesn't want to. She's only 3, but she knows the proper terminology for her body parts and is encouraged to talk to us about them and her body and, well, everything in general. I want to properly equip her for the world she faces. I wish it were a different place. Really and truly, I do. And who knows? Maybe by the time she is my age, it will be. But I can't take that chance, so we'll continue to educate her about drugs and sex and life and health and taking care of herself and believing in herself. So much happened to me in my life because I didn't believe in myself. I do NOT want my daughter to experience that. I want her to walk with the highest of self-confidence and to never, ever settle for any less than wonderful. She deserves no less.

(*sigh*) So anyway...

I didn't get a chance to snap any photos of my current crochet WIPs or the Stampin' Up card I made for Grandpa Smith's wedding before Curt left (he has the camera with him). I wish I'd gotten a shot of the card...it was pretty darned good, if I do say so myself! :) I am really, really getting "in" to card making! It's fun and it's special and the cards hold a deeper meaning because they were made by hand. I'd made a dinner casserole earlier this week for a friend who'd had an operation, and she made me a gorgeous "Thank You" card (with the Stampin' Up products that we love), and that was really priceless to me. She was sore and hurting, but yet took the time to make me a personal token of appreciation. I've got two orders out now and am looking forward to getting all of my new stuff, to include the ADORABLE summer-2005-only set called "Monkey Business"! The new 2005-2006 catalog has some cute, cute stuff!

OK - I'm off to begin my day. Have a great one, folks!