Dreaming Of A Better Tomorrow

Hi Everyone!

Hope that life's treated all of you well these past two weeks. I'm sorry I've been so incommunicado (have my apologies worn thin yet?). I've been busy (you're astonished, aren't you?) and life's been crazy. But it looks like it will be a relatively calm weekend, which will be nice.

Maggy's all better now, God love her. Thanks so much to all of you for your kind thoughts and prayers. We are so thankful. Her little spirit is back, and she's playful and happy and healthy. We're taking her back to see Dr. Vodraska tomorrow at the Gardner Animal Hospital for a checkup and a tear test on her little eyes. Hopefully we'll be able to cease and desist on the eye drops we've been giving her. Understandably so, she hates it. And although she's a small little doggy, she's quite mighty and can squirm and fight like nobody's business. So meddy-time is not a fun time for anyone in the Smith household. Looks like clearer horizons are just ahead, though. Thanks again for the well wishes.

(Speaking of well wishes, my girl C(1) isn't feeling so well these days. Here's hoping that you get to feeling better soon!)

I've spent my evenings these past two weeks feverishly and furiously working on a beautiful crochet shawl for my mom. She recently got promoted (yay!) and I wanted to get this off in the mail to her as a congratulatory gift. (She reads this blog, so in hindsight, typing all of this out is a really ignorant idea.) Anyway, it's a gorgeous shawl and I'm looking forward to posting a photo of it when it's finished. I'm about halfway there. :) Actually, if you've got a skein or two of Caron's Simply Soft yarn, you may very well have a copy of the pattern yourself! It was one of many freebie patterns that come on the skein labels. If memory serves me, the pattern is called "Simply Elegant Shawl" or something like that. I'm doing it in "Off White" (the photo doesn't do it justice at ALL), and it looks like buttercream. Just gorgeous, if I do say so myself (and given that I've had nothing but hellacious trouble with every-damned-thing I try to crochet, I'd say I'm entitled to a little self-praise!) Anyways, congrats to you, Mom. You deserve it!

Lots has happened in the last two weeks. For starters, the Michael Jackson trial ended with a "not guilty" verdict. Gee, there's a shocker. You know, you look at someone like him and just wonder. Wonder what he's thinking (IF he's thinking at all)...what goes through a mind like his. My husband really doesn't think he's guilty. Truthfully, he thinks Michael's so infant-like in spirit and mind that he truly lacks the capacity to molest children. Is he right? I don't know. You'd think that after dodging a similar bullet once in the past, that he'd be a little more inclined to watch his step and. Even moreso, why doesn't it resonate inside him that his continual out-of-court settlements with other alleged victims and their families really make him look guilty? I don't know. I will say this, though...and it's the same thing I said about OJ Simpson...if he ISN'T guilty, then my heart just breaks for him. Just breaks.

The Blogosphere's all abuzz with reports of the release of the Terri Schiavo autopsy. Michael Schiavo and his camp are undoubtedly gloating and drowning in a bloody sea of "we-told-you-so" while the Schindler family is left no more comforted and no more cognizant of what truly happened to their daughter and just as empty as they were before. I truly, truly believe that, although we're blessed to live in a time of rich medical advancement and intelligence, that medical science simply cannot and does not have an explanation for every single occurrence within our bodies. It just doesn't. The autopsy report appears to contradict itself in numerous places, and yet in others, says-without-saying-it that the permitted atrophy of this woman's poor shell likely destroyed any residual stories of abuse that her skeleton might have shared with us. The whole situation is just horrific and sad. How savage are we as a society that we would allow an innocent human being to be depleted of fluids to the point of death? And for what reason? So her "marital partner" could remove an obstacle from his pathway to a better life? It's just disgusting to me. No...no. I am not going to go through this again. I am not going to allow this sadness to engulf me again. The heartsickness I felt about this case paralleled the horror and shattered heartbreak I felt on 9/11. And I don't ever want to feel that way again. I was eight months pregnant on that sad, sad day. And I remember standing there crying and shaking and thinking that "only horrible mothers bring children into a world like this"...and wondering what I'd tell my child when she would, one day, ask me about September 11, 2001. I'll never forget the way the world reacted. The beautiful outpouring of love that came to us from all over the world was just amazing. That Friday following the attacks, I watched the prayer vigil on television, and in that moment, it hit me. I'd tell my child that from the darkest of tragedy came the most beautiful of humankind. I silently hoped that the world would change before my little one would have the cognizance of the life required to process and understand that horrible day. I dreamed of being able to say to her, "It's sad to say, but the world was a different place then...not the peaceful, beautiful world that it is now." Just as we appear to take five steps forward, a case like Terri Schiavo's comes along and we take ten backward. While I no longer believe that "only horrible parents give children to a world like this," I am saddened and heartsick and very worried about what kind of world my child and her children will call home. All we can do is keep moving forward. Keep loving one another and working toward the positive good. It's going to take all of us. And God knows there are enough people out there working against us. It just breaks my heart.

On that note, I'm off to snuggle close to my husband and bask in the joy of being home and safe with the people I love more than anything. I love you too, my dear readers. Keep safe and be well.

-Jen